Guys, I was AWOL for previous few days. I know you all missed me, and I missed you too. I’ve got a few e-mails regarding where I am, what’s going on, why haven’t I written anything? As a few of you know, I’ve mailed you back promptly. Here are my thoughts, put orderly in pixels, words, and sentences…
You were nothing, an atom in space. Then entropy kicked in. You burned, you broke, you were left in pieces. Stranded, hanging in vacuum; you gathered every single broken shard, one by one, each individually, still fighting fiercely. Intense energy bundled up in you. You packed the whole Universe inside you. You thought that either you’ll choke up, or you’ll burst out. And then God touched. No choke up, no burst out – He said, keep everything and RADIATE…
Do you know that feeling where you know that you have won the bravely fought, toughest race already, where finish line is so close, but you still have to drive till the finish line? (/rolling eyes/ another F1 analogy)
You are broken to pieces, you fight, you die, you do everything, you pray, you cry, you endure all the convulsions you get from the nightmares – nothing happens.
And suddenly, God touches, and not a single effort is needed.
I have endured a lot – a lot. I did everything to find my sanity, and I was able to put a leash on my insanity most of the time. When I was aware, I used to leash it – but at nights, in sleep, those nightmares used to stab me bleeding all away. And the funny thing was – I thought that nightmares would subside as the time passed, but they kept on getting stronger and stronger (in turn, making me stronger). I’ll never be able to forget those horrifying convulsions I used to get in the sleep. I remember that night when I had fallen from the bed when I was asleep. Because of those convulsions, my head had banged on the corner of the dressing table, blood was all over the floor.
Sometimes, I wonder that if where did I get this strength. With innocence, resilience, and the belief in miracles – I endured every deathblow. It was so tough that even I was addicted to pain. I had become a monster. You should have witnessed me deadlifting.
Broken inside, death whirling around, I smiled and stood tall.
Now, everything comes to an end. No insanity, no leashes, no nightmares. Everything evaporated. I fought my war bravely. I fought it with a wide smile and a strong heart. I did not earn the golden spoon – the golden spoon earned me. I did not compromise, and God did not let me compromise.
Rupesh, you were the strongest when you were the most weak. Rupesh, you smiled the widest when you were all destroyed inside. Man, you answered death by being Alive at the highest. God wanted to show me that it is not me who is living, but He, who is breathing inside me…! For he made me who I am today. For He answered every single test I gave, even to the tiniest details.
Even though I used to die night and night, I lived man, I lived… I learnt to live life. God, I thought that the exam was way too much longer, but it was not. Now I feel that it didn’t take that much time. It was worth it. Previous few years used to feel like lifetimes, but now, they feel like mere passed seconds.
I had thought that I’d weigh the weight of my endurance on my back for the whole life. But in an instance, He evaporated everything. Will I ever forget? Hell no! A Warrior never forgets, and a winner never ever…!
Here’s your Rupesh My Dear Reader, tall and never bent… My dear reader, I don’t think that I’d need to tell you when I’d reach the finish line, because I am already a winner, always have been…
And THANK YOU my dear readers, for being with me. You don’t know how important you were, may be more important than oxygen as well. I owe you.
Finally, this Volcano has become an Ocean…!